A jihad against My father

My father

Fuck you, dad. Fuck you. Fuck you for treating me like a piece of shit after raising me with all the love in the world. Fuck you for tearing my family apart. Fuck you for threatening me into staying quiet about you having affairs with women behind mom's back. Fuck you for manipulating me into hating my mother when all she wanted to do was save me from YOU. Fuck you for constantly emotionally and mentally abusing me through threatening to kill yourself if I didn't tend to your every need through your depression, and constantly using me for emotional support when I was THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. NO thirteen year old can EVER take that kind of shit and not break apart. Fuck you for describing in immense detail all the sex you were having with various women. Fuck you for describing how you "got them drunk and lapped at her pussy for HOURS." Fuck you for describing all the things you'd do with your tongue to my female high school friends. Fuck you for showing more interest in them than you did in me. Fuck you for manipulating me to the point that I fucking ENJOYED everything you did to me, like getting me to describe sexual fantasies to you while you moaned from the orgasm you were having RIGHT in front of me, or getting me to watch porn with you, or getting me to smell the juice from your girlfriend's CUNT that was left over on your hand after you fingered her. And let's not forget the time I fucking fingered your navel and got you to do the same to me because you convinced me it was a son's duty to sexually satisfy his father. Fuck you for not caring about me after MULTIPLE near-suicide attempts and CONSTANT self-harming. Fuck you for disowning me THREE DAYS after I came out of rehab due to those suicidal and self-harming tendencies. Fuck you for tricking me into thinking you were ready to apologize, when all you really wanted to do was get me to meet up with you so you would have the opportunity to LAUGH IN MY FUCKING FACE ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DID TO ME AND TELL ME IT WAS ALL JUST NORMAL FATHER-SON BEHAVIOR. Fuck you for getting away with everything, and fuck you for probably doing the same thing to the families whose mothers you are probably fucking behind their husbands' backs. Fuck you for turning from the most wonderful, caring, loving father I could have ever asked for into what you are today. Fuck you for damaging me to the point where, three years later, there are a plethora of seemingly insignificant things I encounter on a daily basis that act as MASSIVE triggers for my depression and sense of worthlessness - things that could send me into a fit of rage or reduce me to a sobbing wreck, and I need FOUR FUCKING PILLS EVERY DAY just to appear like a normal person and blend in so people won't know how fucked up I am, and I still contemplate suicide on a near-daily basis but can't go through with it due to this horrible, irrational fear that there is a higher power who thinks I'm a worthless fucking cunt and will send me to hell to be tortured forever because I'm such a pathetic excuse for a human being. God damnit, dad, I loved you. I loved you so much, and then you did this to me...
Declared by Brandon on Sunday, November 15, 2015